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Zelda Chomsky

Teakettle Time

What is more pleasing to the ear than the pure sound of a lonesome whistle, a single solitary whistle perhaps backed by a full complement of bluegrass instruments, or maybe even a complete rock band? Zelda Chomsky is haunted by the sibilant sounds in music, zeroing in quickly on those pieces with a whistling solo, slide whistle, or train sample. When not sharing the piercing sounds of her selections, you can see Zelda behind a spangle of leashes as one of Midtown’s most sought-for dog walkers.

Bryant Hardy

The Good Times Fun Revue

A familiar faces to students, staff and faculty of East West Melbourne University, Officer “Party” Hardy has been with Campus Security for going on 5 years now, and has distinguished himself with his peerless golf cart skills, which on rare occasion are requisitioned to the cause of rapid replenishment maneuvers. Nobody’s getting hurt, and one of these kids could get mashed up on the road, OK? Officer Hardy is always invited, and he’s bringing you along as a special guest to his mug-raised foam-flecked yeast-stained litany of music suitable for bringing sobriety into submission. Just don’t get him started on Andrew WK.

Tristan Kegel

The Ocho

Not everyone can call themselves a professional conspiracy theorist, but when you meet someone who does, you better not ask for details, not if you have to be somewhere else before sunrise. So take our word for it, Tristan Kegel works his terrible and secret knowledge to dark ends that make the world a better place. For you and me, of course. Tristan could show you the cryptic messages behind any number of selections, but he will focus exclusively on songs about the number Eight, which he tells us is not only a vertical infinity sign, but also two circles, and two times two, twice.

Alexander Graham Johnson

The Beep End

One of a breed dying as fast as the home phone, Alexander Graham Johnson comes from a family with a long history of owning telephones. His great-grandfather, “Big Ring” Johnson, is documented as having made the first collect call to New York City (the charges were refused), and his grandfather, “Little Ring” Johnson, was reputed to silently replace the receiver on the cradle in the middle of a telephonic marketeer’s patter. In keeping with the family legacy, AG “Fourth Ring” Johnson features songs which make use of recorded phone calls, and even some of that newer “mail of voice”.

Kevin Bang

About A Girl

Kevin knows he has to follow the sun. As one of the world’s most in-demand ice cream truck drivers, Kevin is frequently crossing the equator and finding himself where the heat is blazing and the girls need a little bit of his cooling magic. On the plastic rack by the register sits a haphazard collection of mix tapes given to him by his so-called “popsicle girlfriends”, spanning years of stolen kisses and black eyes, and yielding some awesome memories and scary scares for old Kevin. He loves to tell the story of each of his favorite songs and how that girl has no idea what she’s missing.

“The Zookeeper”

Very Fine Specimens

Because some of the bands he collects could be considered endangered, “The Zookeeper” insists we can’t use his real name, and must even refer to him in quotes for extra deniability. Having been on the internet for forever, “The Zookeeper” has visited websites on over 90 top-level domains, and even browsed some Unicode URLs. His passion for bands named after beasts exotic or jejune is evident in his record collection, which he likes to call “The Bestiary”. Those quotes are ours.

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