with Bryant Hardy
Thanks, Jul-eeeez! It’s nice to be here tonight partying with you and your listeners.
This is your friend in campus security, Officer Hardy, and I’m here about a disturbance.
I always say: “My judgement is swift, my punishment is fair, and my parties are lacy!”
I think that was supposed to say panties, but you know I love songs about having a good time, getting wild, and zipping it up and zapping it out.
You know, when you see me on campus in my security golf cart, don’t get scared.
I usually let things slide if everyone’s got the party atmosphere on lock down.
And the best way to let me know that everyone’s being positive and having a really nice time is to sing my personal favorite party anthem: “Party Weekend” by Joe “King” Carrasco.
Even if it isn’t the weekend.
Hit it Joe.
» Party Weekend / Joe “King” Carrasco
That was good.
When the thrills start to thrill and the giggles start jiggling, you can always find Officer Bryant “Party” Hardy doing the thing that must be done.
You know what my favorite television show is? It’s Cheers.
That is a television show after my own heart.
When the kids say, “hey Officer Hardy, do you want to watch TV with us,” I always say, “Hold on, let me wash my hands first.”
Then I say “Put Cheers on.”
I don’t care what time it is.
Cheers is on somewhere.
One time I watched a Burmese episode of Cheers.
It was so cut up and censored it only lasted four minutes.
At any rate, I got a song about my second-favorite type of party, after anything the Delts put together, “TV Party” by the Asylum Street Spankers.
» TV Party / Asylum Street Spankers
That song was originally by the Los Angeles hardcore band Black Flag, by the way.
If you are having your own TV Party, you will need three things.
One, a television.
Two, a lot of cheap beer.
Three, Officer Hardy and his primo VHS copy of “Repo Man”.
But I’ll tell you, you get see a lot of stuff in the course of protecting the campus peace.
The next song is an absolute true story.
I’m not the security guard they sing about, mind you, but my buddy Charles once worked in the same department as the guy who would become his sergeant like four years after this song.
» Collegiate Dope Slingaz / All That!
That was New Orleans band All That! with “Collegiate Dope Slingaz”.
I wish the boys in the marching band would pick it up.
So listen, kids.
I know these song are a lot of fun, but you need to be safe.
If you need help remembering the lyrics, you can just flag down your friend Officer Hardy and he’ll help you out.
Because I know the words to all the party songs.
This is Officer Bryant “Party” Hardy, and until next time:
Don’t bother running because I know all the shortcuts.